When You Think Of Me
by Emmi1
Summary: Callista Ming muses on her relationship with Luke Skywalker and the reason she must leave him. (Future Luke/Mara relationship hinted at.))


Disclaimer: All stuff here belongs to Uncle Georgie, Barbara Hambly, and Tim Zahn. I'm just borrowing their toys. Thanks!   
When You Think Of Me   
  
by Emmi  
  
He's sleeping now. He always looks so peaceful when he's sleeping---almost like a little boy. I only wish I could keep that peace for him always, in dreams and in waking life. He deserves it more than anyone else I know or have ever known.   
  
He'll hate me in the morning. And I won't blame him--I hate myself for what I'm about to do, and I can only imagine what he will feel. He'll curse my name forever, and--  
  
Oh, who am I kidding? Luke Skywalker isn't capable of hate. In fact, everything would be so much easier if he did hate me. Then, at least, I would never have time to come back to, to...to my home. To that impeccable, hidden sense of humor that no one else sees, to those strong arms and loving eyes. It would be too easy to come back and then I'd be in a position to hurt him again.   
  
Yes, he'll go right on loving me, for a while. It will hurt for a long time. In the long run, though, he'll be better when I'm gone.   
  
He's turned his back to me, now, whispering in his sleep.   
  
"I love you, Callie."   
  
I love you, too, Luke. I hate the worlds for doing this to us...I hate fate for being so cruel. All I want right now is to crawl into your arms and listen to your heartbeat and the sound of the rain. To be safe and home. I don't want to go, Luke! I don't care what fate says...you and I should belong together!   
  
We should, but we don't. I know now why the Force allowed me to take Cray's body...and I know what I'm to do to regain my powers. It's a long, weary path I must take, and I loathe it. I want here, I want him, I want home...but if I stay, I will destroy him.   
  
He's mumbling again.   
  
"But Mara, I love Callie."   
  
Mara Jade. I've never really trusted the woman, but Luke does, implicitly. They share a deep bond of friendship emotionally and through the Force, and when she is near, he shares dreams with her. She arrived onplanet last night.   
  
.That used to be a constant source of irritation for me, Mara and Luke sharing dreams. Not anymore, though. Not now that I understand.   
  
You see, the Force came to me one last time, in the full, blazing glory of the light. And it happened when I looked in Mara Jade's eyes.   
  
I saw darkness there, and confusion. I saw in her eyes a mirror of the same passion I felt for the man standing next to me...only much, much stronger. I was assaulted by images of an ironic twist on the future. Mara, in a white dress, dazzling by Luke's side, while I stand from the rafters and chase the enemy away with a BlasTech and my lightsaber.   
  
It made me angry at first, that the Force would do this to me. But then it showed me other visions, other times, places, realities. In each one, Mara and Luke were bonded by life itself. They were meant to be from the beginning of time, from before, I realized, even the Force. Someone had known them intimately, deeply, completely. Someone had woven them together through the fabric of time and space.   
  
I felt lost then. In many of those alternate futures, I never once saw myself. What was my purpose, then? Why was I brought back in the first place?   
  
Then that Someone whispered in my ear.   
  
His happiness.   
  
The Force left then, but the Someone stayed with me. I knew what I had to do.   
  
My life is to guard his happiness. Only not the way I thought.   
  
So now, my hand clenches and I swallow to keep from crying. With one last kiss, I slip from his bedroom and outside, to my ship and the stars, where my powers await me. Then I will protect both of them, and his happiness will never die. I can only hope that when he thinks of me, that he will remember love and not tears.   
  
Please, Luke, know I love you. Remember that when you think of me.   
  
"You'd better take good care of him, Mara Jade." I mumble. "Or you'll have me to deal with." 


End file.
